Life: Far From The Twisted Reach Of Crazy Sorrow

Dealing with loss is oftentimes one of the most difficult things to do.  People may try to comfort and console you and this can help but in the end the journey of grief is one that must be taken alone. 

I say this because no one can truly understand how you are feeling about it even those who have gone through the stages of grief before.  It doesn’t help because each person grieves differently and every loss is different because what was lost was unique to you. 

True grieving takes time and there are no pre established parameters for when it should end.  It can be weeks, months or even years before you are ready to accept the loss and move on with your own life. 

Mostly the symptoms of grief are generalized in stages.  One must progress through these stages naturally.  Grief counselors and therapists can help but there are no quick fixes.

At first you may experience a numbness and lack of energy or motivation.  Psychopharmacotherapeutic medication to handle depression may help alleviate the symptoms of grief but it won’t treat the underlying cause. 

It is also possible that such medications can actually hinder the grieving process and should therefore be avoided without consulting a proper therapist first.  No quick fixes. 

STAGE ONE is DENIAL.  You refuse to accept the change.  Some shrug it off as a joke, others insist it’s a mistake.  But somewhere deep inside you know the truth.  It tries to claw its way outside of you but you resist.  You’re frightened of it.  Scared that if you allow it to come out than it would be true and there would be no turning back.

STAGE TWO is ANGER.  You rage against everything and everyone trying to find someone to blame.  You want justice, vengeance.  You just want to hit something to make the pain go away.  But nothing you do helps.  The world turns, day turns to night, night to day and the circle repeats itself.

STAGE THREE is BARGAINING.  Deals with deities.  Some try to offer up their own lives in exchange for another’s.  Some may promise to abstain from more lewd behavior or offer their own services.  In the end nothing helps.

STAGE FOUR is DEPRESSION.  You fall into a slump.  Your energy is gone, your motivation is nonexistent.  You’ll ruminate over life and death.  The fairness (or lack of) of everything.  You experience guilt feelings.  Feeling that there might have been something you could have done. 

STAGE FIVE is the final stage and it is ACCEPTANCE.  You feel you can move on finally with your life.  You can’t change the past and that’s okay.  You’ll always have some residual emotions of the previous stages but they are no longer crippling.  You can find joy in life again.

All in all dealing with loss isn’t quite as cut and dry as that.  It may seem more like a ship in a storm with many ups and down.  But if you can manage to hang in long enough then clear skies will await you. 

You may even find that going through this experience has enriched your life and the lives of those around you.  Dealing with loss is never easy to cope with.  It takes time and patience.  A good support system is also quite crucial.  While the journey of grief is ultimately yours alone to travel it helps to know that there are warm hands that will help pick you up if you fall. 

You must also remember that whatever you experience is normal.  Trying to suppress your feelings or putting them aside while you delve into work is common but it won’t work forever.  No one can tell you how you should feel (that includes you).  Your journey is unique to you.

Further on in life you may find certain events will cause a minor relapse of symptoms.  Holidays and special events are such occasions and it can help to plan for them ahead of time.

There are of course going to be good days and bad days but if you feel that you absolutely cannot get over it naturally it might be time to see therapist.

There is also a chance that due to biological and/or social stressors that clinical depression can set in when you are emotionally vulnerable.  It can be difficult to distinguish between the two since they share many of the same symptoms but as a basic guideline beware excessive rumination of the following:

1.   Feeling like life isn’t worth living anymore.  Having thoughts of suicide is a biggie and I would suggest immediately contacting a therapist for help.

2.   Wishing you had died with your love one.

3.   Blaming yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it.  This is a part of guilt and therefore also a stage of grief.

4.   Feeling numb and/or disconnected from others for longer than a few weeks.

5.   Having difficulty trusting others since your loss.  Sometimes after a major event one suffers from a sense of anxiety or stress.  Fearing to get close to others might also be your mind trying to protect itself from future pain of loss.  This is also categorized as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and can be debilitating if left untreated.

6.   Are unable to perform your normal daily activities.

7.   Slow speech, reactions and body movements is also one of the biggies.

Remember that just like a boat on a stormy ocean.  You will have good days and bad days.  Ups and Downs. 

With clinical depression the pain is constant.  If you feel one of the symptoms above in excess please see a licensed therapist as soon as you can.

Be aware and stay safe.